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…of the WEEK, here it is, y’all

“If that tire trick actually works, which is doubtful, maybe Slylock should use it to liberate the chest full of gold doubloons and assorted treasures from the sunken pirate ship that’s just sitting there a few yards away, instead of bothering with the hundred bucks or so worth of quarters that a now-drowned criminal (RIP) swiped from the local arcade. Ah, well, no one ever claimed he was the world’s greatest detective. Oh, he did? I don’t know what to tell you, then.” –BigTed

And here’s the RUNNERS UP, very funny!

“From his expression, it looks like Dagwood is celebrating the coincidence of Easter with 4/20 this year.” –Logar the Librarian

“Slylock first tied his special Scuba Cape around Max and the sack, then he cleverly pulled the cord on Max’s emergency ascent vest causing him to shoot to the surface with the treasure, this action requiring an emergency visit to the Forest Decompression Chamber. Max did not survive but the Forest Penny Collection tripled in size that day.” –Mikey

“Look at my hands! There’s a normal number of fingers! We are not AI, someone put effort into drawing us! But why?!” –Ettorre

“College may be expensive, but I don’t know why the Flagstons are worried. Their smartest child is a baby that thinks a square of sunlight is her friend. Buy that hot sports car, you won’t regret it.” –Schroduck

“Teachers don’t really wear little name tags like that, do they? The school brought in a rep from a travel agency, didn’t they? I smell kickback!” –Pozzo

“A map of Italy that excludes Milan, Venice, Sicily and Sardinia: pretty menacing. Standing up so fast that your chair flies off-panel: also menacing.” –Guts Dozier

“I wouldn’t have thought it possible to make a complaint as valid as ‘you made me witness a murder’ sound whiny and entitled, but here we are.” –Lauralot

“‘Darling, I know you face whatever may come, that’s your way’ is the most stilted compliment on a partner’s oral sex skills I’ve ever read.” –nescio

“Abbey knows how to get through unpleasant conversations: beige wine and plenty of it.” –Joe Blevins

“George has already prepared for playing chess against Henry by making sure he took a double dose of Vicodin. It’s a winning strategy, except when it involves actually playing chess.” –Needless Exposition

“Budget cuts mean the Thorps can only afford an 8-point SLAM for their door.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“DAWN: ‘You’re a good friend, Cathy. Thanks for that.’ CATHY: ‘I actually have a lot going on in my life too. Yesterday–‘ [dial tone]” –Dan

“Does lying down and having a CBD gummy count as doing yoga? It does if you have cancer! Wait, that’s the joke, isn’t it, the lady has end-stage ovarian cancer and this is all she can do to manage the nausea caused by her medications?” –I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

“Uh oh, Dawn: are you taking advice from someone who is not the titular character of this strip? I hope that’s a burner phone.” –pugfuggly

“‘You’re a terrific person!’ declares Dawn’s best/only friend, proving that she doesn’t know Dawn that well at all.” –TheDiva

“Two years later, Summer and Augie get a bill from the impound yard when the cops release the truck as evidence. ‘That’ll be $11,000.00, please.’” –Hibbleton

“The creative staff at Red Morgan, M.D. worked too hard learning to draw a Ford F150 extended cab to just throw away those acquired skills.” –Philip

“If you have to offer incentives to get people to stay during your murder confession, it is way too long and rambled, sir.” –Quiggle

“The Perfesser’s ‘Fitbit’ is the bit he does where he dramatically clicks his tongue and shakes his head solemnly while adding a mark to the office whiteboard every time Shoe has a fit, and it’s directly responsible for two of today’s five.” –BananaSam

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Shoe, 4/25/25

I am almost certainly overthinking this, but as a highly skilled and well-compensated comics blogger it’s my job to overthink it, so: why, and how, is the Perfesser’s fitbit keeping track of Shoe’s thrown fits? Wouldn’t Shoe’s fitbit logically be the device that records his increased heart rate and elevated blood pressure and so forth, and not the fitbit on the wrist of his employee, who’s way on the other side of the room? I can see the appeal of learning the novel word “fitbit” and wanting to immediately work it into a joke in the syndicated newspaper strip you write, but I would suggest doing some cursory research as to how the device with that name works first.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/25/25

I’ve decided to stop being annoyed by the fact that I can’t really peg what the tone here is supposed to be and just be amused by it. Are Summer and Auggie enjoying a friendly chat with a sympathetic old man and getting free stuff while they wait for the cops to show up, or are they terrified while this admitted murderer rambles on about how his whole bloodline has been wiped out before its time, tries to bestow gifts upon them, makes menacing references to various weapons he hasn’t used yet, and reminds them that they’ll soon find themselves in a room with some trigger-happy cops and a guy the cops don’t trust? Who can say!

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Hi and Lois, 4/24/25

I love that Hi has absolute faith that Ditto, despite not having shown any great baseball prowess in this strip to date, will eventually become an elite athlete capable of competing at the highest level of his chosen sport, but he’s still deeply worried that he’ll be one of those big leaguers who drinks most of their salary and loses the rest of it in ill-advised investments promoted by their buddies and has to do the county fair autograph circuit well into their old age to survive.

Six Chix, 4/24/25

Big news, everyone: It’s the year 2025, and Six Chix finally did a comic about getting high! I mean, I guess a lot of Six Chix strips are subtextually about getting high. Like remember the series of strips about the gal who had sex with a giant sandwich, then got got cucked by the sandwich, then went to a pizza orgy? In retrospect, that sequence was almost certainly getting-high-adjacent, at the very least. But I feel like this is the first one where they come right out and say it.

Wizard of Id, 4/24/25

Hey, kids, are you familiar with the King in the Wizard of Id, whose main defining character design feature is that he has a comically large nose? Well, apparently his nose is (was?) big because he’s … old? Which makes your nose big? You learn something new every day, I guess.

Mary Worth, 4/24/25

“I guess if she doesn’t come around, it means you weren’t so terrific after all, ha ha! Anyway, let’s meet up this weekend for some absurdly large salads, if your dad’s girlfriend hasn’t killed you yet.”